that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
