I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
