She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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