Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
