i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
