he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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