if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
