i think i have two assholes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
