The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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