After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
