Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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