and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
