Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
