You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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