I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
