Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
