for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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