a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
