My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was like eating out sand paper
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
