Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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