You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm too high and old for this...
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