Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
