you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
