She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
