i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
