people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
