Don't EVER smell your tampon
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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