my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Randomize
