i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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