i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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