Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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