those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I understand Curling. That high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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