i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
