i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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