Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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