Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
