Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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