you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
