I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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