Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
