The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
