i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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