We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
