bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
