im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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