If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
