I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
