my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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