would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
