i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
