We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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