I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
